Some Unwanted Analysis for your Wednesday

Some Unwanted Analysis for Your Wednesday

Here is a quirky little fact about me: I can grow tomatoes like nobody's business. Seriously. They pop up all over my garden. I planted 3 tomato seedlings and I now have 14 tomato plants. 

That doesn't even make any sense.

BUT despite this weird super growing power, I can't grow mint to save my life. Every year I try and get these pathetic, dried tufts of flavorless dreck. MINT IS A WEED. I CAN'T GROW A WEED BUT I HAVE TOMATO PLANTS COMING OUT OF MY EARS.

In the immortal words of Sarah Silverman, what the cock is that shit?!

More to the point, as I was transplanting some of my excess tomatoes, I got a little worried about how they would fare on their own in the ground. And that seemed like a very parental thought, so I made a little list in my head of some of the ways that gardening is like parenting and plants are like kids. This is all conjecture, of course, since I don't have kids, don't particularly like kids, and am an only child so I never even saw my parents raise other kids. 

How Gardening is Like Parenting

and plants are like kids

according to a childless girl wonder

1) You think about poop a lot more than you ever thought you would.

Of course with a garden, you're trying to come up with new and exciting ways to spread it all over them.

2) Getting rid of the weeds and grubs is really satisfying, even though you know they'll come back.

3) Sometimes the ones that are the most trouble in the beginning end up bringing you the most fruit. 

4) Even when the fruit they produce is kind of lame and weird looking it's still super exciting because you grew it.

And if anyone else says it's lame or weird looking you get really pissed.

5)Sometimes you have to go to extreme measures to protect them from predators. 

But in the case of my garden the predator is a dog and I cover them in broken glass and put a fence around them.

6) Sometimes your cat poops on them and there's nothing you can do about it. 

Note: this blog in no way condones or encourages covering your children in feces or broken glass.