FFF- In Which the Author....Oh, Dear God.

Today was the singular most hilarious day of my entire professional life, perhaps my life in entirety. And I have had some pretty hilarious days. I can only pray that my retelling is half as funny as the actual events that I am about to describe.

I'm writing this from a lovely hotel in Stuttgart, Germany after a day on set with a truly fantastic crew. I've worked for this client* before, but never anyone on this particular team. I was actually really nervous about this shoot because the last time I modelled for this company they were unhappy with my work**.  Obviously it couldn't have been too dire since they hired me again but I made sure to be on my very best behavior*** today.

I groomed, plucked, buffed, exfoliated and arrived to set early. The makeup artist did a beautiful job on my face and hair, and then we headed off to location. We drove up a dizzying hill (San Francisco has nothing on Stuttgart) and arrived at a mansion that was straight out of Architecture Digest. That's a real magazine, right?

It was a beautiful place to have a photo shoot. There was expensive looking art on the walls, a fountain in the entryway, and floor-to-ceiling windows displaying one of the most beautiful views I've ever seen.

Now, one of the things that can be a drag about photo shoots is the waiting around. The lights have to be set up, wardrobe needs to get ready, and then makeup and/or hair usually needs retouching. But, given the setting, I really didn't mind. And as the makeup artist did his thing, I was feeling pretty good about myself and the day so far. The crew had been impressed with my professionalism, the makeup looked gorgeous and the hairstylist really loved my hair. "Yes," he said, appraising his work, "this is really working. Now go get dressed and we'll start shooting."

As I headed downstairs to wardrobe I gave myself a little pat on the back and had a sip of my energy drink to ward off jetlag. Then I confidently rounded the corner and fell into the fucking fountain.

Why don't you just read that again? Go ahead. I'll wait. No. Don't even bother. I'll give it to you again.

I FELL IN THE FUCKING FOUNTAIN.

And it is worth noting that this was no normal fountain. This was a waist deep, rocky, indoor, Zen pond. That I fell inside of.

It is also worth noting that this was no normal fall. This was stepping where you assume there's ground and diving headfirst into deep and cold water with enough product in your hair to start a Fran Drescher level ecosystem and hours worth of makeup on your face. Not to mention your clothes and only coat. 

So what is a half drowned and completely mortified model to do?
A) Apologize profusely and beg for forgiveness.
B) Laugh with the stylist until you're both clutching the clothing rack and threatening to ihre hosen pinkeln.
C) Dissolve into giggles when the hairstylist not only forgives you but also joins you at the clothing rack and refers to you as Ariel for the rest of the day.

So. That happened. And if you'll excuse me, I'm off to soak my cold and exhausted body in a tub and order room service so as to avoid any public fountains. 

*Client=clothing company that hires the team. Team= model, photographer, photographer's assistant, photo editor, MUA, stylist, etc.
**actually, they were unhappy with my hair. It's still a little weird to me that my hair is so tied up in my work. I mean, other people get terrible haircuts and, you know, wear hats. They don't have to worry about being fired.
***and to have the best hair possible....

Deutschland...

I went there. It was fun. And now I have jetlag. Which is less fun, but my remedy has been hanging out in bed and eating jelly beans, which is fun.

Had to pose on this, which was less than fun.

But I also got to look like Flashdance, which was more than fun.

Also there was a pretty church.

So, that was fun, and this weekend I'm going to figure my life out. Should be fun. And a totally realistic goal. Hope you have an amazing weekend, and here's a quick recipe for your weekend (I'm trying it out tomorrow).

Cucumber Cocktail
Modified from Liquor Snob
6 limes, rinsed
1 cup packed mint leaves, no stems, plus 6 sprigs for garnish
3 unwaxed cucumbers
½ cup sugar
2 cups vodka or gin
Sparkling wine

1. Thinly slice 3 limes and place in a pitcher. Juice the rest and add juice to pitcher. Add mint leaves. Slice 2 cucumbers and add, then add sugar. Muddle ingredients. Add vodka or gin. Place in refrigerator to steep 30 minutes or longer.
2. Cut remaining cucumber into super think rounds.
3. Fill cocktail shaker with ice and top with mixture. Shake and strain into a martini glass. Top with a splash of sparkling wine, garnish each glass with a cucumber round, and serve.

Serves 6.

That looks refreshing as balls. Have a good weekend!

Jetlag...Not Just in Our Heads, Huh?

So, apparently, jet lag is real. And not just in my head. For some reason, while in Germany the jet lag worked in my favor by waking me up at 5:30am, which was around the time I had to wake up anyways. Also, the lovely people on set kept me going with a steady stream of cappuchinos, and that helped. That and the excitement kept me pretty hyper all week despite the lack of sleep. And then I got home and passed out on Friday night and pretty much didn't wake up until 1 on Sunday.

St. Peter's Church

Beatlemania Museum

Sgt. Pepper's display in Beatlemania Museum

I ate lunch on a boat.

These people are going for some kind of world record. Language barrier made it rather unclear what..

St. Michael's church

This dog had a German name but I called him Squishy.

St. Petraus' church

Didn't have much time to explore since I was shooting all day, but these are a few pictures. I had one day off, and I tried to take full advantage (Beatles' Museum, climbing St. Michael's church, lunch on a boat, rode the bus and the subway, rented a bike, saw the Venice of Hamburg, ate a lot of German food and drank a lot of German beer).