This revelation came to me in a flash while on the train: Gaga is Zenon, Girl of the 21st Century.
Which means that Raven Symone really can see into the future. You guys, everything is beginning to make sense. Raven is a psychic and I am a genius.
Was anyone else super disappointed when Zenon went to stay with her aunt on Earth and all the kids made fun of her killer outfits and hair? That was my earliest exposure to the fact that haters are, indeed, going to hate.