The Bitch is Back

Good Christ, I am the worst blogger in the history of the world. You know how the longer you neglect a project/relationship/healthy habit the harder it is to get back into it? That's where I was at with this blog. But then a friend of mine asked why I hadn't been blogging lately and I muttered some excuses that I won't waste your time with, and she said to shut up and write, so here I am.

So! Hi! How are you? It's been a gazillion years! It's been so long that I had to change the header of this blog! I am no longer just outside the city, I'm actually in the city! And no one has ever been more excited to be inside anything since any teenage boy ever*.

Sometimes, when a person looks forward to something so much and for so long as I did, it can only end up being disappointing. This is so not one of those times. Living in the city has been so amazing I've cried from happiness about 6 times.  Luckily I was almost always alone and on my scooter, so I could blame the wind and the cold in my face**.

If you're looking for up-to-the-minute updates on my goings on, here is my Instagram, here is my Tumblr, here is my Twitter, and here is my website. Good Christ, that's a lot of fart jokes and cat pictures. To even things out, here is an Instagram feed made up entirely of puppy pictures! And since I no longer have moving, unpacking or really anything to use as an excuse, I resolve to be a better blogger henceforth. Unless, you know, Game of Thrones is on or something.



*That is a sex joke.
**If you ever get a chance to ride around NYC on a red and white polka dotted scooter listening to and singing Beyonce, I highly recommend it. There is literally no bad mood that it cannot shake. 

Weekend Recap & Superbowl Tips

This has pretty much been my weekend, with the exception of one evening of cocktails and sushi out with The Boy.

So, I thought I'd think back to a past weekend and offer some wisdom.

How to dress for the Super Bowl 

a guide for the sports disinclined

1. Aim to incorporate as many items into your outfit that say, "I'm an American, goddamnit!" For example, corporate logos are a good way to show your support for the flagging economy.

2. Americans love guns.

3. Make sure to wear loose fitting garments, as you'll want to distract yourself with the snacks, of which there should be many. If you are somewhere where there are not lots of snacks, leave immediately.

In fact, I'm going to go ahead and add that to my repertoire of Life Advice: if there are not lots of delicious snacks where you are, leave.

4. Wear comfortable shoes. If, for example, you're a Patriots fan who has a long walk, a subway ride and a train ride home, you'll be surrounded by lots of drunk, adrenaline-fueled enemies. You may need to run.

      Now, if a drunken Giants fan should approach you on the train, try and make your Sam Adams Boston lager clearly visible. Avoid eye contact, look disinterested and put your bag on the seat next to you. Then, if this fails, do what I did.

Motion for him to come closer. Smile. "No, closer."
Once you can smell his beery breath say, "Hey. Can I tell you something?"
Try to look as sweet, flirty and unassuming as possible as you say:

"I'm engaged, I'm a wicked bitch, and I'm from fucking Boston."

Dear NYC,

image via NYTimes Magazine

I love you. It's been weeks since I saw you, and I rather missed you.
When I saw the boy stop the subway doors from closing so a girl would make her train I remembered how lovely you are.

Your roofs in Brooklyn are also wonderful places for cookouts with old friends. Your churches are quirky and beautiful and I should have taken more pictures. Your streets make me happy.



That is all.

Just got back from a flurry of activity in the city. Much time spent in front of flashing bulbs hoping my bra strap wasn't showing and my smile wasn't creepy.

Also got to see an old friend from Atlanta, which was so lovely. Atlanta is the most personable person I know, so spending time with her means meeting a lot of people, which was wonderful and something I need to get better at.

While in the city my beautiful, funny gracious and perpetual host* (I am so familiar with her pullout couch) took me to the best place in the world.

Well, maybe not the best place in the world, but it felt that way to Atlanta, who was hungover, and I, who had forgotten what food tasted like.

5-Napkin Burger. Glorious 10 oz. burgers with the most delicious sauce with caramelized onions. AND they have the best veggie burger in the world, as confirmed by My Perpetual Host who is a vegetarian. I almost wish I'd ordered it, it was that good.

After all the loveliness, I was ready to go home to the Boy and Rue! I missed my guys so much and, even though The Boy will be intolerable if he reads this, it was kind of nice to bugger off and get just outside the city.

*She is so lovely and funny that it would be easy to hate her but she's just too damn sweet.

Late Night Hookah Adventures

During our week in the city, The Boy and I got restless late one night (or early one morning as some would call it) and decided to go on An Adventure. After some misadventures with the subway we arrived at the Hookah Cafe on East 60th.

I own a hookah but I'd never been to a hookah bar before, and this was a great intro. The staff was delightful- they make their own tobaccos and they're delicious. They also have a menu of yummy Middle Eastern beverages and appetizers- we had tea and coffee (not a good idea at 3 in the morning but so good).

The Boy lived in Israel for a while, and was excited to find authentic Arabic coffee. I was excited to find good, fresh mint tea.

Being the only customers late at night, we ended up chatting with the owner who was very interesting- he took us to the back to see all the tobaccos and pipes and told us about importing ingredients. All around a lovely late night adventure.