The Bitch is Back

Good Christ, I am the worst blogger in the history of the world. You know how the longer you neglect a project/relationship/healthy habit the harder it is to get back into it? That's where I was at with this blog. But then a friend of mine asked why I hadn't been blogging lately and I muttered some excuses that I won't waste your time with, and she said to shut up and write, so here I am.

So! Hi! How are you? It's been a gazillion years! It's been so long that I had to change the header of this blog! I am no longer just outside the city, I'm actually in the city! And no one has ever been more excited to be inside anything since any teenage boy ever*.

Sometimes, when a person looks forward to something so much and for so long as I did, it can only end up being disappointing. This is so not one of those times. Living in the city has been so amazing I've cried from happiness about 6 times.  Luckily I was almost always alone and on my scooter, so I could blame the wind and the cold in my face**.

If you're looking for up-to-the-minute updates on my goings on, here is my Instagram, here is my Tumblr, here is my Twitter, and here is my website. Good Christ, that's a lot of fart jokes and cat pictures. To even things out, here is an Instagram feed made up entirely of puppy pictures! And since I no longer have moving, unpacking or really anything to use as an excuse, I resolve to be a better blogger henceforth. Unless, you know, Game of Thrones is on or something.



*That is a sex joke.
**If you ever get a chance to ride around NYC on a red and white polka dotted scooter listening to and singing Beyonce, I highly recommend it. There is literally no bad mood that it cannot shake. 

I AM Auntie Mame....

 Big Freaking News: The Boy's sister and her husband are expecting a child. And, since this is my blog,  which means everything is about me, that means that I can now expect to be an aunt! An aunt! Aunts are important! I've loved all of my aunts! I'm so excited I could pee*.

When discussing possible monikers, I wasn't satisfied with the typical Aunt/Auntie Sarah options. There was something lacking. Then I remembered what I've been periodically bellowing at The Boy for the past few weeks:


I. am. Auntie. Mame. 

If you have not witnessed the cinematic brilliance that is Auntie Mame, stop reading this and go watch it now. I'll wait.  It's on Netflix Watch Instantly so it will be easy-peasy-don't-be-sleazy.

It may be subtle as a blow to the head and 45 minutes too long but it is also the singularly most influential film on my life and style since Roman Holiday. It was made in the 50s about the 20s, so there's bright colors, loud patterns and headwear up the wazoo. To prepare for the child-to-be**, I've put together a small list of what it takes to be Auntie Mame.
Note: I have not been sponsored by any of the following companies, nor do I own any of the following items. In other words, if you want to buy them for me, I'll be your best friend forever because I fucking love presents.

Loud Pants

Inspiration

Actualization

Pants via Zara 79.90

Pants via Zara 79.90

Inspiration

Actualization

Pants via Zara 59.90

Pants via Anna Kaci 26.90

Luckily, Mame-appropriate legwear is experiencing a resurgance in the fashion world. Pajama sets, sequin pants, patterned pants, and matchy-matchy suits are all the rage. Example A: this H&M window.  

Go forth and lose all sense of subtlety. 

Fantastic Hats

Inspiration

Actualization

Hat via EBay 28.00

Hat via Modcloth 29.99

   

Inspiration

Actualization

Hat via Modcloth 34.99

Hat via ArtFire 31.90

Every year, I (and several other magazines) declare hats to be the newest It accessory, as though it's breaking news that hats are amazing. So, I'm just going to adapt a pro-hats stance year round.

A Cigarette Holder

 Inspiration
Every other minute of Auntie Mame. Have you watched it yet?

Actualization

Item via EBay

Item via RubyLane 75.00

I don't smoke, but I do hold a fake cigarette to go with my bourbon or coffee whenever I write and now I think it may have to go in a chic as fuck holder. Also excellent for gesticulating. 

All fashion related ramblings aside, though, I am so happy for the expecting parents. They are rock stars, and their kid is so lucky he chose them. They also come with a crazy big tribe of endless support and love, including this pleased as punch aunt. Now someone get me a damn glass of punch. 

*And I've only had to breathe into a paper bag once. Because, you know, aunts are important. And I'm a little afraid of babies. It's the soft spot.
**Who, in honor of another idol of mine, will be known forthwith as Schlomo. 

Tumbling

I have a sneaking suspicion that this bitch is tipsy.

I started a Tumblr account! You can see it here, if you want to. Here's the deal: it will mostly be pictures of shoes and style inspiration with the occasional puppy thrown in there for good measure. NOTE: please don't throw puppies. I promise I won't post anything interesting over there without putting a link here, so it's just a source of pretty for you and distraction for me. 

However, there will also probably be pictures of things that are related to a certain day in the uncertain future. You know. That Fucking Day. The one where I'll probably wear white and say embarrassing, stupid, lovey things to The Boy in front of a lot of people. Heretofore to be known as TFD. Initially I was going to post those things here and maybe have some mind of regular inspiration thing but....I didn't want to.

So, if that's interesting to you, head on over.  If it's not, keep on rocking in the free world. Actually, from what I understand from Mr. Young you should do that irregardless. But you know.

Weekend Recap

Some of you may know that I recently had surgery on my sinuses to fix a deviated septum, chronic sinusitus and problems with my hearing that I've had ever since I was a kid. It was one of those things I didn't really think too much of until a friend of mine who had the surgery pointed out that it wasn't normal to get 5-6 sinus infections a year. Also I hadn't really heard my own voice in 2 years.

Immediately after the surgery my hearing improved. While I was in post-op, still groggy and delighted from the medication, I kept poking my nurse and saying, "no, no, no. You don't understand. I sound weird.... like ME. I sound like me. Like me. Can I have jello?"

I was her favorite.

Of course, surgeries mean recuperation so apart from a few castings (where I gave the photographers a pose I call 'Congested Chic') I've been pretty much bed or couchridden.

But by this weekend I was feeling more than a little stir crazy and sick of looking like this:

So I tried poking the Boy until he got annoyed, following the cat around the house, watching movies and yelling at the screen. Nothing worked.

Sometimes a lady just has to throw on her faux fur coat and take herself out for bacon and waffles.

And sometimes that lady spills coffee on her faux fur coat.

The outfit, I think, was due to overexposure to this video, which I can't make up my mind about.



I mean,  love the clothes, love the tigers, kind of like the song. But if she does one more little pantomime motion I'm going to strangle her with her own head wreath.

Happy MLK weekend everyone!

Winning

A short film* I was in a few months ago recently won two awards at the NYLA film festival: an award of excellence and....

(drumroll)

...........

Best Actress.

I don't know who the people behind this festival are, but I love them. They let me win something. I fucking love winning things. Also, they think I'm the best, and I really love that in people.

Still from 1095 Days

It's actually a little bit awkward because I always point and laugh when people react to a success by developing an addiction to the word 'incredibly'.

As in, "I feel incredibly blessed to have worked with this talented group of people" and "this is an incredibly humbling experience."

It's awkward because I do feel incredibly blessed to have worked with the talented group of people that made this film and it was an incredibly humbling experience.

WARNING: SINCERITY AHEAD. Heartfelt, even. 

This was my first paid acting job and they were patient and kind as I fumbled through and didn't even call me out when I overslept and caused what was probably a very expensive delay. The film is beautiful and seeing all the work that went into it made me so proud to be a part of this world and this art form. As soon as I can, I'll post links to video.  

END OF SINCERE SECTION. Phew.

The film is also exciting for me as a pet owner, because there is a cameo by my fish, Gaga, and he pulls out Streep level stops.

It's lucky I have this award, since something happened this weekend that left me sorely in need of a sense of pride. Here's what went down: I walked in my sleep down the upstairs hallway until my subconscious sensed that I was in danger and said, "stop walking! You're right near the edge of a staircase!" at which point I woke up,  looked around and proceeded to fall. all. the fuck. the way. down. the stairs.


So, I'll be posting a few cheery decorating entries as I look for a replacement for the lamp I broke and attempt to take myself seriously ever again.

Have a great week!

*The film is called 1095 Days, and for more information on the film and its badass director, Hang Fang Pao, click here.

Weekend Recap

Had a blissfully productive weekend where I managed to clean the house, organize my office, do laundry and still take advantage of the dwindling summer.

There was bounty from the garden, that made for delicious coleslaw and gazpacho and raita.

I also hit up the local farmers' market for some fresh fruit.

I love this plant and produce market that has taken over the old bike shop.

Unfortunately, that fruit included a pint of perfect, juicy, delicious strawberries which, apparently, I am allergic to. Along with tree nuts. How the hell am I supposed to mock people with food allergies if I have them*? And how the hell am I supposed to eat strawberry ice cream which is, by the way, the best ice cream in the world, if it makes my face explode?

I am not taking this well.

Sorry, Tyra, but this shit will not stand. 

The beach provided a much needed distraction.

What? Doesn't everyone wear all black to the beach?

As did Rue, who I've taken to calling Schprocket.

I spent most of Sunday like this, reading this.

And tomorrow it's off to a wedding in Indianapolis which promises to be epic. Also, my flight home was almost out of Kalamazoo, and that is just so freaking delightful.


*I'm sorry to the people with food allergies that I mocked. I just think the word 'nut' and 'gluten' are funny.

I love fishes cuz they're so...delicious?

So, the short film I shot this weekend included a scene with a fish tank full of goldfish. Which kept dying. So, a couple other crew members and I conspired to rescue them. I bundled 3 of them up into a big soup container* and made my merry way home.

I was merry, you see, because I hadn't really thought this whole rescue thing through. But I powered through, bringing the fish with me on two subways, through Grand Central and onto the train. I got a few (hundred) strange looks but I didn't mind.

Then, as I exited the train station, fish in hand, I realized I'd ridden my scooter that morning. And I had to ride it back. Now, much as I like to think that all God's creatures are happiest on a scooter, it is so incredibly not true of fishes.

But I tucked them into the boot snug and tight and headed very slowly and carefully home.

And, after a brief stop for gas, I pulled them out to check on them. And a car full of high schoolers pulled up. And a young gentleman in the back seat, rolled down his window, and tried very hard to focus his eyes on what I was holding.

"Cool soup," he said.

So, without further ado, let me introduce:

Cambodia (nickname GaGa)

He is very camera shy. Better picture forthcoming.

Beta

He is not camera shy.

And Pip.

Rue quite likes them.

In fact, he's no longer allowed in the same room as them!

Fish, flowers and Federer

saldjfh!!!!uiiehr3lsjdfb$alkjds!jfjklh.

That's pretty much what the commentary in my head sounds like at the moment, my patient readers. I apologize for the lack of updates, especially given the immense amount of news, both in the world at large and, more specifically, in my world at large. Because what is a blog if not a digital manifestation of our human desire to say,"me, me, me, MEEEEEEEE"?

I may or may not be a little punchy, by the way. Lack of sleep, frantic scheduling and over-excitement can do that to a girl.

Anyways, to return to the matter at hand, here is what's new (in list form. duh.)

1) I'm going to Switzerland! 
How random is that? When I told my mom I'm not even sure she believed me. Like, who goes to Switzerland? This kid, that's who.

Ahh, designer of army knives, home of Federer, creator of the Red Cross and purveyors of chocolate. I've been told it will involve bakeries, chocolateries and segue tours. How awesome is that? It's a blogging trip, no less, so get ready for some serious and regular updates.

2) He put a ring on it. Here's a little preview. More pictures to come.

3) I'm in a short film!
I'm actually in the middle of shooting right now, which explains the sleep deprivation. But I'm getting paid to do what I love, so it's 1000% worth it. It's a very moody sort of film with lots of long stares and significant moments that sometimes make me giggle. But sometimes they make me feel like this:

4) It's spring. Honest to God, flower-blooming, nose-running, eyes-itching, scooting-weather spring. And I couldn't be more excited. Or sneezy. Really, not sure if I could be more sneezy if I tried.

5) I got some fish! There was a giant tank chock full of goldfish that started dying off due to the heat and stress and, I suspect, overfeeding. So I rescued 3 and took them home with me. As soon as they get settled and I get them out of their Chinese soup container I'll post pictures.

6) And, in the real world, a bad man was killed and some people got married. More about that later.

So, on that note, I'm off to bed to revel in being able to sleep past 6:00am tomorrow.