I AM Auntie Mame....

 Big Freaking News: The Boy's sister and her husband are expecting a child. And, since this is my blog,  which means everything is about me, that means that I can now expect to be an aunt! An aunt! Aunts are important! I've loved all of my aunts! I'm so excited I could pee*.

When discussing possible monikers, I wasn't satisfied with the typical Aunt/Auntie Sarah options. There was something lacking. Then I remembered what I've been periodically bellowing at The Boy for the past few weeks:


I. am. Auntie. Mame. 

If you have not witnessed the cinematic brilliance that is Auntie Mame, stop reading this and go watch it now. I'll wait.  It's on Netflix Watch Instantly so it will be easy-peasy-don't-be-sleazy.

It may be subtle as a blow to the head and 45 minutes too long but it is also the singularly most influential film on my life and style since Roman Holiday. It was made in the 50s about the 20s, so there's bright colors, loud patterns and headwear up the wazoo. To prepare for the child-to-be**, I've put together a small list of what it takes to be Auntie Mame.
Note: I have not been sponsored by any of the following companies, nor do I own any of the following items. In other words, if you want to buy them for me, I'll be your best friend forever because I fucking love presents.

Loud Pants

Inspiration

Actualization

Pants via Zara 79.90

Pants via Zara 79.90

Inspiration

Actualization

Pants via Zara 59.90

Pants via Anna Kaci 26.90

Luckily, Mame-appropriate legwear is experiencing a resurgance in the fashion world. Pajama sets, sequin pants, patterned pants, and matchy-matchy suits are all the rage. Example A: this H&M window.  

Go forth and lose all sense of subtlety. 

Fantastic Hats

Inspiration

Actualization

Hat via EBay 28.00

Hat via Modcloth 29.99

   

Inspiration

Actualization

Hat via Modcloth 34.99

Hat via ArtFire 31.90

Every year, I (and several other magazines) declare hats to be the newest It accessory, as though it's breaking news that hats are amazing. So, I'm just going to adapt a pro-hats stance year round.

A Cigarette Holder

 Inspiration
Every other minute of Auntie Mame. Have you watched it yet?

Actualization

Item via EBay

Item via RubyLane 75.00

I don't smoke, but I do hold a fake cigarette to go with my bourbon or coffee whenever I write and now I think it may have to go in a chic as fuck holder. Also excellent for gesticulating. 

All fashion related ramblings aside, though, I am so happy for the expecting parents. They are rock stars, and their kid is so lucky he chose them. They also come with a crazy big tribe of endless support and love, including this pleased as punch aunt. Now someone get me a damn glass of punch. 

*And I've only had to breathe into a paper bag once. Because, you know, aunts are important. And I'm a little afraid of babies. It's the soft spot.
**Who, in honor of another idol of mine, will be known forthwith as Schlomo. 

Spring RTW Trends

So, fashion week is over and the world is forever changed. Oh, wait. Of course it's not. MBFW left a bevvy of sore footed, underfed and overtired girls but for once I wasn't one of them! I didn't go a single show, party or event this year and it didn't make much of a difference for anyone.

But this post isn't about the low-level hum of fashionable existential crisis that buzzes in the back of my brain this time of year. So, without further ado, here are my thoughts on the trends of this season.

Of course there were the perennial spring trends: pastels, flapper influences....florals. For spring. Groundbreaking*. There were also some trends that returned from last season, indicating the staying power of monochromatic outfits, white dresses and Greek goddess-esque maxi dresses.

But here's a recap of the other, more unusual trends that I noticed.

Stripes

I love those shoes.

Stripes are, in some ways, classic: they add an instant elegant nautical vibe to an outfit. But this year I noticed stripes worn with other patterns or different stripes creating a kind of...drunken nautical vibe that I really liked.

Image courtesy of The Sartorialist

How to wear it: carefully. Avoid wearing different stripes in similiar colors. If you're wearing multiple patterns, only one should be bright, shiny or loud in any way.

Midriff Baring Tops and Dresses

All runway images courtesy of Style.com

Lots of crop tops, bandeau tops and dresses with cut-outs in the midriff areas this year.


How to wear it: please don't. Thanks.


Ladylike Skirts....with Leather

I love the mid-length skirt trend, and my favorites are vintage silhouettes like pencil skirts or flared 50s style. Those were all over the runway, and I loved when they were modernized with leather trim or paired with a leather top.

Image courtesy of The Sartorialist

How to wear it: try colored leather if you're shy about looking like a dominatrix and let it steal the show.

Hats

Because all of these outfits are really lacking drama....

Hats are my perrennial trend. Every year, I look for every collection that features any headwear and announce that hats are 'back' in a lifelong attempt to get more people to wear them. They just add an element of drama to any outfit.

Image courtesy of the Facehunter

How to wear it: on your head, jackass.

Fringe

Fringe is one of those things that can add drama and instant je-ne-sais-quoi status or can be the trashiest thing since me. But it always makes you want to move, and I loved what No. 21 and Gucci in particular.

Image courtesy of Dre De Carlo

How to wear it: the one time I really hate fringe is when it's leather or suede. Unless you're going to a rodeo, don't dress like a bullrider. It's mostly an evening look, but I like the idea of a fringed dress with boots and a leather jacket.

Tits

I mean, not big ones. But bigger**.  And, yes, there were still a few of these:

Isn't she...precious.

That ain't right.

But I saw a lot of girls that would have been required to lose weight in years past and it cheered the hell out of me. Maybe it's the Lara Stone's effect, maybe it's the fact that Elizabeth Taylor was cited by designer after designer as an influence, or maybe the pressure from the media and the advocate's groups is finally working. Either way,  it's good news. Especially for me because I have big old knockers.

How to wear it: not on your head.



*Is it wrong that when I see that movie, it makes me want to be more like Miranda?
** I recently devised a new classification system for breasts:
Whatters: totally flat breasts that I don't know what to do with. 
Plinkers- itty bitty titties that you just want to flick with your finger.
Cuppers: small but curvy breasts you just want to cup a little, a la Diana Ross with Lil' Kim.
Handfuls: enough said.
Whatnowers: my friend has these, and she would rather call them 'Oh, I'm Sorry's but she's had men come up to her and tell her they'd like their girlfriends' implants to look like her natural whatnowers so I'm sticking by my original title.

In retrospect, it's more of a tap.

Craptastic Sandwich of a Situation

So, I thought my first post this week would
       A) be made on Monday
       B) be about the lovely engagement brunch that The Boy's parents were going to throw us on Sunday

but, so very unfortunately, I ended up in the hospital on Sunday morning and stayed there well into Monday. Why I was there is a long, boring and kind of gross story so I'll keep it short: we thought it was appendicitis, and it wasn't. We don't know what it was, but it was awful.

So, in light of that craptastic sandwich of a situation, I thought I'd post a few things that I think are just lovely.

I love this picture:

Image courtesy of Oh Joy

I love this outfit:

Image courtesy of The Sartorialist

I love that this happened:



I love this computer case:

Image courtesy of See Me Everywhere

I love this place:

Image courtesy of This is Glamorous

I love The Boy. 
I promised myself that even though we were engaged I would keep the blog from becoming a sappy love fest* but he was really lovely while I was in the hospital. Held my hand, fed me juice, slept by my hospital bed, filmed me while I was on morphine (a video is worth 4 words: "blinking is like...whoa"). If I eventually post the video of me doped up, will you forgive this momentary girly moment?

*because, to be honest, I hate that kind of shit.