I, I, I, me, me, me

Today is one of those days where there isn't enough coffee in the world to keep me in a good mood. I'm trying to get some perspective in light of Veteran's Day, but my inner teenage brat is just a little too strong.

I'm trying hard to think about people like my brother outlaw, who just got back from Iraq. He is my hero, although I don't know if I'd ever tell him that, because I'm too busy talking about zombies and tattoos. He's building a life for himself at lightning speed, despite obstacles I can't even imagine.

And people like my grandfather, who wanted so badly to defend his country during WWII that he faked his eye exam to cover up the fact that he had a bad right eye.

But stupid things like the library being closed when I needed it and getting pen on my favorite dress keep getting in the way.

Can perspective be forced? Am I obligated as a grownup to look at horrifying images of wounded soldiers until I fully appreciate their sacrifice? I know I often want to force close-minded, self-centered people to see the damage their viewpoints can lead to. To somehow jam, not just knowledge, but also understanding into their craniums.

But what about when the close-minded, self-centered person is me? Is it selfish of me to take that as a sign that I need to focus on my self, even if it's just for a day*?

In my mind, I spend all day, every day thinking about myself. In my mind, I am the most selfish person in the world. There is, I tell myself, absolutely no reason or excuse to focus anymore energy on myself.

And that may or may not be true, but it occurred to me yesterday, as I tried in vain to stop sweating the small stuff and be grateful for all that I have, that it isn't my true and present self** that I focus on. I focus on my future self, and the projection of myself that I present to the world. Most of my time is spent following my ambitions and worrying about whether or not I'm making the right decisions.

This could be naive of me, but I wonder if by focusing on my real self for just a little while I couldn't come to a greater knowledge of the rest of the world? Or, at least, the people that inhabit my small world. The people that inspire me to be better, stronger, faster. Because there are a hell of a lot of them.

In other, much less hippie/serious/significant news, I posted a new look on Lookbooks. Feel free to like/comment on it.


*Admittedly, Veteran's Day is a particularly inappropriate day to make that decision.
**Hippie bullshit alert.