Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Last Hurrah

Sunday, January 4, 2009: The Last Hurrah.

Obviously, the holidays, New Year's and that funny space between the two were a total binge-fest for me- champagne, cookies, egg nog and lots of other lovelies.
To make it all the more delicious, The Boy and I spent the week of NYE at the Bryant Park Hotel snuggling in bed, having delicious breakfasts delivered every morning (or early afternoon as some people might call it) and going out to gorgeous dinners every night. Throw in a NYC hot dog here and there and the end of the holidays find me shocked that it isn't normal to eat whatever you want whenever you want all year long.

In the face of upcoming public appearances, I asked my cousin and aunt about the Master Cleanse they'd gone on last Christmas. "It's not that bad," they said, "By day 4 it's easy."

What, I asked, about the first four days? Are you starving? "No," they replied, "it's not that you're hungry so much as thinking about food all the time. Sort of like you're a rabid animal."

Beg pardon? "Yeah, and drinking the glass full of salt water kind of sucks. But it's important to clean out your bowels."

Come again? "The lemonade you drink is good, though. And you feel a lot better after you have some. If I had to only have one thing for 10 days, I could do a lot worse. "

Oh bugger fuck that. More power to you, but I just like chewing.

So. Instead, I'm doing some almost-as-ridiculous cleansing diet a la yoga masters, hermits, Gwyneth Paltrow, whippets (the dog, not the bizarre huffing practice) etc. No dairy, grains with gluten, meat, shellfish, processed food, fatty nuts, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar, alcohol, caffiene, soda or pleasure.

I am now onto day 2 of said cleanse. It is not a fast, but some equally unpleasant nonsense that is working already. The skeptical part of my brain is more than a little annoyed at being proven wrong.

Naturally, I had to say goodbye to my loved ones so on Sunday morning The Boy surprised me with mimosas and a beautiful breakfast. Then, that night, we had a fantastic meal and, most importantly, dirty martinis. It is painful to even look at these photos, so I'm just going to post them quick-quick and then go have some effing pro-biotic smoothie.



  1. I think the rule goes "I before E except after C or when sounded like A as nieghbor and weigh, with certain other weird exceptions like caffeine.'
    So many exceptions that the rule is kind of useless.
    Love the blog. You're a natural.
    Some of the photos don't load.
    Also you might want to have author review of comments

  2. Yo. I love you. Hysterical and keep writing because it makes me feel like we're near! haha :)