In Which the Author Does Not Quote Kanye

As I went to write this blog entry about the week of April 16th, I struggled to find an appropriate metaphor. Some people might wax poetic about silver linings and the good to be found in evil, blah blah blah.  The first thing I thought of was a Kanye quote* but that was a little weird. So I contemplated "crap sundae with the best possible cherry" or "shit storm with a fantastic calm". The point is, a lot of bad things happened that were eclipsed by something so awesome that, despite everything, I'll look back fondly on that week for the rest of my life.

Obviously, there was the bombing at the Boston Marathon. This was unacfuckingceptable. Frightening, terrible and unacceptable. Marathon Monday is for two things: running like a crazy person** and celebrating those crazy bastards with day drinking.  I think Colbert said it best:

Then there was my birthday. This was actually not a huge deal. There was the typical angst I've experienced every year on my birthday since I was 7 (I was a real hoot and a half as a kid), one glass of wine (I'm on a damn diet) and some lovely music and friends. There was also lots of looking at pictures of Helen Mirren to reassure myself about the onslaught of aging.

Then came the vomiting. Yup. The vomiting. Two and a half days of it. This was unacceptable.

Finally, I felt ready for solid food. So I ate an apple.

Then came the swelling of the face. Yup. Swollen face. Apparently, I am allergic to apples. As I stared into the mirror, watching my face contort with a morbid fascination, I may have said, "but it wath thuppothed to be my birthhhday!" (my tongue swelled up too).

But here's the thing: it wasn't really supposed to be my birthday. Not this year. There was a much more important birthday being had. That of my perfect, beautiful niece. Meet Calliope:

It's amazing what a birth can do. I mean, how crazy is it that this squishy ball of baby is going to learn and experience everything it is to be a human? Seeing her, I care a lot less about getting older and dying. I mean, I may be gone, but how great is it that she'll still be there to remember me? Babies really do bring all the hope and joy and crap that Louis Armstrong likes to sing about.

And yes, I've already ordered baby's first turban. And no, I'm not kidding. I'm Auntie Mame, bitch.




*Specifically this one: "this week's been a bad massage, I need a happy ending." Ok, so technically I quoted Kanye there, but I think you'll agree I'm still showing real restraint and growth. 
**Did you know that many marathon runners cross the finish line with bloody nipples? BLOODY NIPPLES. 

Birthdays: Harbingers of Cake and Death

My birthday is next week, which is exciting because of cake but also crap because of the inevitable decay and decline into death. Pardon my grimness, I just came from the dermatologist*. Which is part of why this wishlist doesn't include any of the more practical things that I want for my birthday, like acting classes, because that's just not as pretty, you know? These are the kinds of presents that grownup classy ladies give and get. But then, grownup classy ladies don't get to eat ice cream at midnight in bed so I think we're about even.

This Awesome Sweatshirt

Being comfortable and literate are two of my highest priorities.

This Bracelet

A classic. 

This Mask

For the girl who likes looking like a zombie at night and Cate Blanchet by day. 

This Belt

So obsessed. I think it's because deep down I'm still the 13 year old girl who got made fun of at horse camp because I didn't have any clothes with my initials on them. Horsie girls are bitches.

  These Mugs
Classy, but a little weird.

Have a good week everyone!









*who recommended that to prevent aging I "quit moving my face so much." 

Birthday Nonsense

At midnight on my birthday, I was roused from my computer daze by the sight of the boy with my favorite kind of cake: grocery store cake. The kind that makes your teeth squeak.

Birthday Cake

And it was pretty much all sugar and roses from there on out. Literally. Lots of sugar, roses, and champagne, to be precise. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster. Where gangster is whitest girly girl ever.



The weekend had everything good: burgers at 5 Guys, brunch with friends, fancy cocktails at this bar, which I highly recommend, and my beautiful, amazing friends.

Birthday Nails by Sally Hansen

Birthday Necklace by The Boy

I also made some birthday cupcakes for a little slumber party I had with a few of my girlfriends and they were pretty amazing, if you don't mind my bragging. I adapted them from this recipe and here's what I came up with:

Birthday Cupcakes

aka strawberry champagne cupcakes

1 1/4 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/3 cup coconut milk
1/3 cup champagne/sparkling white wine

2/3 cup strawberry puree (the original recipe calls for 1/3 but this makes them super moist)
3/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon vanilla 

For Frosting

1 cup champagne
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature, cut into tablespoons
2 1/2 to 3 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
2-3 tablespoons milk or cream, as needed

and I added 1/3 cup strawberry puree. This made the frosting softer and more of a glaze, giving the cupcakes kind of a jam taste which I love, love, loved but omit if you want a more classic cupcake. 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a muffin pan with paper liners.

In a large bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

In a separate bowl, whisk together coconut milk, champagne, strawberry puree, sugar, vanilla, and oil. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and pour in the wet ingredients. Mix until relatively smooth. Fill cupcake liners with a scant 1/4 cup of batter (cups should be just under 2/3 of the way full). Bake for 18-22 minutes or until set, and toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Transfer to cooling rack and allow to cool completely.

For frosting, bring champagne to a simmer in a small saucepan. Continue to boil gently until only 2-3 tablespoons of liquid remain. Remove from heat and set aside to cool. This happens faster than you think. One second it's bubbly champagne and the next it's syrup, so be sure and watch it. I overdid mine a little, and lost a lot of the champagne-y flavor in the frosting.

Cream butter in electric mixer for 1-2 minutes until fluffy. Slowly add 1 cup sugar and beat until smooth. Add 2 tablespoons reduced champagne and mix. Continue to add confectioners’ sugar, 1/2 cup at a time, and beat until light and fluffy. Add cream or more sugar as necessary to achieve proper consistency. Pipe or spread onto cooled cupcakes.

 Then, if you are so inclined, top with strawberries and beautiful mermaid cupcake toppers that were a gift from your mom. 

 

I hope you all are having a great week- mine is lots of coffee, classes, work and email catch up. This weekend I head home to help my mom move and I'm trying to get my affairs in order before then.

Birthday Eve-ning

See what I did there? Because it's the eve of my birthday and the word 'eve' is part of the word 'evening'?

It was fucking clever, ok?

Anyways, the point is this:

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!

Celebrations actually commenced this morning, when my life suddenly turned into a perfume commercial. I mean, I rolled out of bed

hopped on my scooter

and picked up ingredients for champagne strawberry cupcakes. 

Tonight at midnight the boy and I will pop some champagne and have some grocery store cake (my favorite). To top it all off, I have a flippy new haircut and a pretty new dress. 

Life is good.

This week proved rather long and trying for a lot of people, so I hope you all have a wonderful, relaxing weekend.

Waiting for Summer with my Purple Sunglasses On

Had a fun bit of dress-up yesterday, centered around a fantastic find at Target. Not sure the picture captures it, but these are my new favorite things.

PURPLE SUNNIES!

When I got them, I imagined them with pastels and flowers, pink Dr. Martens, lounging in pastel lawn chairs and sipping lemonade, but somehow it turned into a kind of dotty old lady outfit.


It so often does.

Can't complain though. In my heart of hearts, I am a bit of a dotty old lady. Besides, with the weather warm I know the pastels and lawn lounging will come soon. My favorite time of year is fast approaching and I'm so excited I could spit (I won't).


Quiet days.

Crazy nights.

Champagne and bathing suits.

All Images Courtesy of The Teacup Pages

P.S. My birthday is tomorrow.