In Which the Author Does Not Quote Kanye

As I went to write this blog entry about the week of April 16th, I struggled to find an appropriate metaphor. Some people might wax poetic about silver linings and the good to be found in evil, blah blah blah.  The first thing I thought of was a Kanye quote* but that was a little weird. So I contemplated "crap sundae with the best possible cherry" or "shit storm with a fantastic calm". The point is, a lot of bad things happened that were eclipsed by something so awesome that, despite everything, I'll look back fondly on that week for the rest of my life.

Obviously, there was the bombing at the Boston Marathon. This was unacfuckingceptable. Frightening, terrible and unacceptable. Marathon Monday is for two things: running like a crazy person** and celebrating those crazy bastards with day drinking.  I think Colbert said it best:

Then there was my birthday. This was actually not a huge deal. There was the typical angst I've experienced every year on my birthday since I was 7 (I was a real hoot and a half as a kid), one glass of wine (I'm on a damn diet) and some lovely music and friends. There was also lots of looking at pictures of Helen Mirren to reassure myself about the onslaught of aging.

Then came the vomiting. Yup. The vomiting. Two and a half days of it. This was unacceptable.

Finally, I felt ready for solid food. So I ate an apple.

Then came the swelling of the face. Yup. Swollen face. Apparently, I am allergic to apples. As I stared into the mirror, watching my face contort with a morbid fascination, I may have said, "but it wath thuppothed to be my birthhhday!" (my tongue swelled up too).

But here's the thing: it wasn't really supposed to be my birthday. Not this year. There was a much more important birthday being had. That of my perfect, beautiful niece. Meet Calliope:

It's amazing what a birth can do. I mean, how crazy is it that this squishy ball of baby is going to learn and experience everything it is to be a human? Seeing her, I care a lot less about getting older and dying. I mean, I may be gone, but how great is it that she'll still be there to remember me? Babies really do bring all the hope and joy and crap that Louis Armstrong likes to sing about.

And yes, I've already ordered baby's first turban. And no, I'm not kidding. I'm Auntie Mame, bitch.




*Specifically this one: "this week's been a bad massage, I need a happy ending." Ok, so technically I quoted Kanye there, but I think you'll agree I'm still showing real restraint and growth. 
**Did you know that many marathon runners cross the finish line with bloody nipples? BLOODY NIPPLES. 

Birthdays: Harbingers of Cake and Death

My birthday is next week, which is exciting because of cake but also crap because of the inevitable decay and decline into death. Pardon my grimness, I just came from the dermatologist*. Which is part of why this wishlist doesn't include any of the more practical things that I want for my birthday, like acting classes, because that's just not as pretty, you know? These are the kinds of presents that grownup classy ladies give and get. But then, grownup classy ladies don't get to eat ice cream at midnight in bed so I think we're about even.

This Awesome Sweatshirt

Being comfortable and literate are two of my highest priorities.

This Bracelet

A classic. 

This Mask

For the girl who likes looking like a zombie at night and Cate Blanchet by day. 

This Belt

So obsessed. I think it's because deep down I'm still the 13 year old girl who got made fun of at horse camp because I didn't have any clothes with my initials on them. Horsie girls are bitches.

  These Mugs
Classy, but a little weird.

Have a good week everyone!









*who recommended that to prevent aging I "quit moving my face so much." 

Some Awesome for Your Week(end)

I started this entry on Monday, and it was supposed to be some awesome for your week, but then I had to go to class, and read stuff and also there was something shiny. So now you've all had a lackluster, un-awesome week and it's all my fault.

Not to worry, I've wrangled up some extra awesome to make up for it. Here goes.

Things That Are Awesome

1. The Netherlands 

Image courtesy of SFGirlbybay

No matter what Fox News says. For that matter,

2. This blog. It has really opened my eyes to the problems inherent in the media's portrayal of women, minorities and non-heterosexuals. That, in turn, has led to increased fancy pantsiness and high horsiness of my blog's vocabulary. 

3. This video

I had no idea I was in love with Kristen Bell until I saw it. I just want to keep her in the +7 emotional zone at all times.

4. This video

I did know that I was in love with M.I.A., but I did not know that this would be the inspiration for my personal style for the rest of my life. Or until I see something shinier.

5. This outfit

Image courtesy of All the Pretty Birds

Seriously, head to toe perfection.

6. Cake

Image courtesy of Love & Olive Oil

7. Boobs

Image courtesy of Old Hollywood

8. And finally, free stuff! 

Don't forget to enter my giveaway by clicking here. The cutoff time is midnight tonight, so do it now! Don't bookmark it and then think you'll get to it because you'll probably end up distracted by your Hulu queue or laundry or something. Hypothetically speaking.

What the What Continued

Wherein the Author Treats a Cake Like a Lady

A little more about this cake

from this bakery.

As my lovely companion and I made our way to the bakery after a long morning of trapezing, I had plans for that piece of cake. Deep, dark and slightly disgusting plans. I was planning on eating that cake in a way that would make aforementioned lovely companion embarrassed to be near me.

In short, I was going to facefuck that cake.

But one bite in and I knew: this was no one night stand of a snack. This was true love. I wanted to make that cake an honest woman.

Invitations to the wedding will be going out soon.

Happy Belated Easter!

Hope you had a great one with chocolate for breakfast and confused fertility symbols (rabbits. don't. lay. eggs). The Boy and I had a lovely seder with his family, which wrapped up with a raspberry mousse cake we brought. To be honest, we were pretty damn pleased with ourselves about it. Nigh on insufferable, but the delicousness of the cake saved us.

This bunny might lay a chocolate egg. If chocolate egg means rabbit shit

Before the seder, we helped my mom move which was less than lovely given that it snowed. That's right, ladies and gentleman, snowed. As in, white flakes falling to the ground while we lugged furniture all day and slowly got soaked. But all's well that ends well and the move ended well. Mom was happy in her new home, The Boy was happy in a warm bed and I was happy in my hot bath.

Also we all had bourbon and that helps like hell.

After getting home, my life suddenly turned into a Freaks and Geeks episode. Seriously. Plaid pajama pants, pigtails and pink Doc Marten boots on a scooter making a late night fast food run.

And now it's back to the grindstone with loads of emails and photo shoots and trapezing. Yup, trapezing. How awesome is that?